I have done so of my best writing in obituaries. So this morning, when I found that he had passed away, I went into obit writer mode. I Google’d him. I followed links that I didn’t know existed. I learned facts, tidbits and his history, then I sat down to put it all together, in love and reference.
Born in the middle of 1972, in Cleveland, Ohio, he was the first of his kind. Swaddled in yellow and white gingham, he was a hot sensation from the moment he arrived. He was named for Joe D’Maggio, a famous baseball player from the 1940’s, he was a morning person, but if you asked nicely, he would perform just as well in the evenings. In fact, in some environments, he was asked to work all day and all night. Sleek and versatile, he tended to be a homebody. His family had grown to 33 offshoots at the time of his death. He was loved by family and neighbors alike. This morning we found him cold and unresponsive in his favorite place, on the kitchen counter near the sink. We will miss him greatly.
We bade a fond farewell to Mr. Coffee, the hero of our kitchen. He was interred respectfully after a brief service, this morning in the recycle bin. In lieu of flowers, we ask that you send cans Breakfast Blend or French Roast.